On The Fast of Tamuz When the Walls Began to Fall
my walls breached, I choose
to not eat from my garden of despair
where long ago perennial vines were dug in,
seeds sowed by wounded ancestors and my own
tangled invasives. Today
I fast noticing the enticements of old hurts
and angers, the dirtied plates where mockers,
minimizers feasted at my table, emptied
my refrigerator and I the compulsive hostess
offered more. Today I remember, I mourn
letting what arises sit beside me,
wander off. I am drunk on quiet and emptiness,
forgetting, remembering how to water the fruit trees. Purple
beans have unfolded from dreams once held in my palms. Ripened
blueberries I planted long ago as a young hopeful mother
feed the backyard yearnings of birds, blue
abundance offered to this one woman
her sun setting, sitting tender
on the stalk of this day of burning memory
and waiting hunger.
Wow, Elana! Your poetry is the intersection of Torah, psychology and poetry. I love that you “choose not to eat from your garden of despair.” Determined to understand, I researched the holiday a little and learned that the Prophet Zechariah predicted the Fast of Tamuz will one day morph from sadness into joy and gladness.