A Woman And Her Shadow

Some background:

 

There are 3 strands woven through this piece:

 

1) Yesod she b’ Yesod: this moment of the Omer that asks: what will we fill ourselves with, be permeated by, be mostly deeply connected

to, our foundational foundation, our yesod she b’yesod?

 

2) A teachings of Reb Nachmun which includes the image of  the weeping fields.

 

3) The story of Jacob wrestling with the Ish.  

 

 

A Woman and Her Shadow

 

as with Jacob

who became Yisrael

that is to say all of us,

falling back sometimes

into his old name

 

like a story that 

asks for more, 

something forgotten, unseen

waking us up from illness, 

   a fall, an exile,

a call from the weeping

   fields filled with the smoke 

   of guns and the wasted

   bodies of perfect children -

a call to cross the river alone, 

even as I want to flee

from what I know

I must face.  

 

She arrives in the night

in my dream where 

I can’t hide, cranky and insistent

face to face, panim l’panim

and still all I can do is resist

even though I long to let go. 

She is like a pregnancy turned

inside out here on the

wrong side of the river

and I am every mother, holding

on.  And so it is

that finally there is nothing to do

but surrender to the body’s 

collective wisdom 

to push, push and release

into the breaking dawn

and the gifts of a new name 

that is the many in one, 

a map for when I am lost, 

a blessing for when I forget

who I am, who we are -

a leaf on the tree, a filament

of light, a singular voice

in the vast singing

in this land

I once fled and now

calls me home.